Boy was I impressed with Dr. Laura today as I was listening on the way home from the gym. I got to hear two stories along with her response to both of them and I have to say… her advice was kick ass.
The first story was from a gal who called in to say that her in-laws were horrible influences on their kids and that they were drug addicts and that they had distanced themselves because of the possible ramifications in order to protect their children. Not in those exact words but you pretty much get the idea. Dr. Laura basically said that there was nothing wrong with distancing themselves in order to protect the kids from parents with drug addictions or even parents who would wind up being destructive to the kids. It was her husband’s job to be in protection mode for his wife and children. It got me thinking about my own situation with my parents. No, they are not drug addicts but they are quite destructive when it comes time to be grown ups in front of their grand children. Dr. Laura said that parents who have destructive behaviors do not have a right to have a relationship with their grandchildren. Even though I already knew that… it was still nice to hear and see Dr. Laura validating that point with her caller.
The second story was from a Mom who’s son was going to be getting married. There’s an issue with the in-laws calling up the groom’s Mom telling her that they have to pay for half of the wedding, etc. I got the impression from this caller that it was the bride’s mother’s way or the high way. So doctor Laura told the mom caller to simply tell the bride’s mother that she would not be paying for half the wedding because it was not her venue. (You know, the brides parents pay for the wedding and the groom’s parents pay for the rehersal dinner and the honey moon.) Well…the groom’s Mom had already told the bride’s Mom that she would not be paying for half the wedding so the bride’s Mom told the groom’s Mom that if they attended or any of their side of the family attended the wedding that they would each have to pay $200.00 – Then doctor Laura asked the groom’s Mom what her son had to say about it. Like a dog with his tail hanging in between his legs he told his own mother that they (he and his bride) could not afford to pay for the wedding and that he basically didn’t want to be involved. So Dr. Laura basically told the groom’s mom that she should inform her son and the bride’s mother that they would not be attending the wedding. At which point maybe her son would put his penis back on and stand up for his family. I LOVED IT!
Today was a good day listening to Dr. Laura. I don’t always agree with her advice but as with anything… you take what you need and you leave the rest. She was so spot on and so ballsy with what she had to say. Yay Dr. Laura.
Ken // Jun 18, 2009 at 11:35 AM
I heard those calls, too. Great stuff.
My wife and I married almost five years ago. Her parents are lousy with money and were in no position to pay for the wedding. We are both good with money and had saved, so we paid for most of everything – and that gave us a lot of freedom to decide how WE wanted it to be. Her parents did pay a modest set amount that they also paid when my wife’s sister married. My father and his wife paid for our rehearsal dinner. We paid for our own honeymoon. Most of the drama had to do with the wedding being the first event my entire family attended together in many years, and the wounds of my parents’ divorce were still festering, apparently. We were unaware there was a problem until months later when it finally came out that my father’s wife felt like she and her family were dissed, and my father saw it her way. We were surprised because we had gone out of our way to be inclusive, including asking my dad’s wife to wear the third of our three wedding colors, my mother and my wife’s mother wearing the first and second color. The four of us eventually sat down and worked it out like adults, after my dad’s wife got her frustration out of the way. Really, her issues had to do with my siblings, and I’m not responsible for them.
My wife was able to find a beautiful wedding dress for a mere $500, even though we didn’t have that as a limit. She also was determined to “leave and cleave”, meaning that as of the wedding, both of us where going to make each other the priority, shifting our families of origin to less of a priority. We had a late-morning wedding on purpose. Her mother gave her grief for not agreeing to attend an after-reception party back at the family house, but my wife had waited all those years to have sex only as a bride, and she was eager to get to it without being completely exhausted before even getting past the threshold.
We should respect and honor our parents. But we should not sell out our spouse in the process.
blabb // Jun 22, 2009 at 10:12 AM
I can’t respect OR honor my parents. They are both equally disruptive and have treated their adult children horribly over the years. Distancing ourselves to protect our spouses and children was probably one of the best decisions we ever made. It hurts at times but good decisions are not always easy ones.